No Pressure

This just made me laugh and laugh and laugh.

It's 3:08 and I'm Wide Awake

You know that game Whack-A-Mole?

I'm the mole the last couple weeks. I'm trying not to be, I've even been determined not to be smacked around.

Something happens, something bad, something that gets me down. I analyze it and see that it's just life; bad things happen and you go on. So I move on, feeling hopeful, determined to move through it, more excited about life and WHACK!--something else lands a blow.

Again, I tell myself, that's life. Life is hard. For everyone. So I compose myself, try harder this time, feel even more hopeful, think "hey, I'm gonna do well from here on out" WHACK!

etc.
etc.
etc.


It gets tiresome, being the mole.

I'm thinking of what I'd rather be, and for some reason the first thing that comes to mind is one of those springy snakes that go in the fake can of peanuts. You approach it, thinking it's something normal and kinda boring, and ZOING! You get a surprise which later, after you've thought about it, you laugh at. I want to be that now please.

Where Have All the Good Friends Gone?

I was looking through old Facebook photos tonight and I realized something: I miss having friends.

It appears I used to have...you know...friends. Or at least friends-in-law, meaning people who were friends with my like two friends who came over all the dang time so it felt like I had friends too. But still. Where are you guys? I miss you?
Oh that wasn't a question.



(*disclaimer: if we are currently friends and hang out, I don't mean to discount you. I'm only talking to the ones I don't see anymore. Don't be mad.)

Don't judge

Much of me wishes that Fingernail Guy was packing heat tonight

Attention Ignorant Softheads:

Being female is NOT a "persuasion." The word "persuasion" has to do with deeply held convictions or beliefs.

Being genetically a female is not an opinion. At least not when you describe women as being of the "female persuasion." So don't do it. It's just gone too far.




Everything is adding up and I had to subtract this one thing.

Get Ready

...to look at this. And weep.



I waaaaant it!

Tomorrow or now

Some people remain actual friends.

Quote from dinner:
Me: "What is _____ doing lately?"
Other: "Mmm, nothing. Sleeping around. The house."

Sleep comes in feast or famine. Right now, the latter.

I've been super happy lately. Except not. My mom asked me once why I don't tell her when there's something wrong. She doesn't ask the right questions. Or at the right time. Not her fault. Mine. When I act happiest is often when I'm very much not. Why would anyone do that?

So what is the point? Why am I saying this? Does it need a point? Sympathy. Answers. Human connection?
No. I only want to see what frustration looks like on a screen.

There's a something just out of my reach that I want; it's been just out of my reach for a very long time. I've been trying to figure out how to get at it. And for the life of me I just can't. And life passes me by.
All I'm saying is I (try to) accept that life is hard. But right now it's just so so frustrating. And I'm tired. I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired.


So negative. I'll post something positive tomorrow.





Maybe.

Fail Blog

It's one thing to hear I didn't get the job, but did they have to point out that I came in last place?

A Call for Reality

Why won't I think of anything to say.

Self-improvement is a thing for me right now. I said it aloud the other day and it was only then I realized it: by saying there's too much hypocrisy, I was myself guilty of it. It's got me internal. In most aspects of my life, I complain. Mostly I complain about myself.

That makes it okay, yeah? Well it gets dull. It makes life dull, and I want a story to tell.

There's a lot of opposition in me, which usually makes for good writing, but I don't know how to say it. But I like you. And I'm gonna try to be nicer.


I get most dissatisfied at night. Old habits. These habits die or die hard but come back again and another again. Bleh.
It's not night. It's one in the afternoon.

They've landed

I just saw the worst fashion collision ever to hit a college town: saggy bum skinny jeans.

I weep.

Good bad

I accepted a ride from a stranger this morning.

It was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Grump

For the first time this semester, I'm in the secret lab. I have it all to myself and I can play whatever music I want.

But.

The computers in this lab don't have the software I need to do an assignment. That means I have to go down to the Common Knowledge lab. That means people.

Ew.

Guess you can say I'm not average

The average American gains about seven pounds between Thanksgiving and New Year. I made a goal around the end of November to make myself "unaverage." I didn't think it was too lofty a goal, and I was pretty sure I'd be able to do it. How did I do? Well...

Goal: Don't gain any weight during the holidays. Just maintain my weight.
January 3, 2009: Gained 10 pounds

This is why I don't make goals.

In the Winter

I love seeing paw prints in the snow, because that means something cute has walked there recently.

Don't Shoot the Puppy

I spent a good deal of time playing this game

And yes, there is a way to beat it. All fifteen levels. See if you can figure it out. I did!

I mean to say

I'm really filled with love right now. I've been hanging out with some really cool people the past few days and they made me realize that my friends and family and stuff are just really really great. They made my birthday really cool too, just by being thoughtful.

On top of that, I'm at this really cool coffee shop where there are really nice people, and I'm drinking the best steamer of my life. I feel like I fit in here. Even though I don't drink coffee. Go figure. This is my kind of day.

I'm researching Jeff Buckley, and how the courts deal with mentally retarded people (two unrelated subjects--they're for completely different papers).

I'm not even trying to use fancy words or even make it sound like I'm smart. I'm just saying.

Unsettling Foresight

Boy #1: Man, it feels like Friday
Boy #2: It feels like the day before I die

Goals

When I grow up I'm going to be a celebrity eyebrow shaper and go by only my first name, which shall be exotic.

Trouble

I'm listening to my sad playlist.

If money were no object I would not be here right now.
But I'm not melodramatic.